The Love Language (#ValentinesExclusive)

Once in a while, you look at two people in love and you love it. You just love it. 

The way they look at each other, the way they talk to each other, the way they coyly smile at each other, the way they "get" each other... You just love it. (I don't know if this is how guys feel about me with my bae, haha.)

Valentines is all about celebrating love. And it is possible that you'll be seeing a lot of that today. If you're single, never mind. Your time will come and you will be a menacing portrait to another person who will be in the position you are in today. 

Inasmuch as we may feel all sorts of things concerning the love birds and love tings we will be seeing today, it is still important to note that love is necessary; and that celebrating love goes hand-in-hand with celebrating the fullness of life.
There is nothing as special as knowing that you're being loved (or are being shown that you are loved) just the way you would wish to be loved. (That's what I am praying for all of us in relationships today: that we will experience love and give it forth wholeheartedly.)

While intently looking at Valentines Day, you may be asking, "Is it bad for a young saved person to fall in love? And what about celebrating this day?"
To the first question I'll say, Yes and no. Yes because if you're of age and are ready to get into marriage, there's nothing wrong with it. Fall in love all you can and get married to a fellow Christian. And "no" because you may be underage, still in school, having other motives rather than marriage, you are lustful e.t.c.
And to the second question I'll wonder, "When did it become bad or evil to celebrate love in a manner that pleases God?" So go out and have fun!!

Celebrating love is like celebrating the fullness of life... 

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Also, there are many types of falling in love. I'll mention a few;
1. One where you love each other but don't even understand each other. In this case, it is the "love" that matters, so to say. If it "disappears", so does the relationship. (But true love does not fail, so it can't just "disappear".)

2. One where you are the only one in love, while the other party is busy wondering what is wrong with you. They are busy telling you that you don't deserve them or that they don't deserve you. Oh my, oh my!!

3. One where you are in love with another person whom you clearly know (they) WILL NEVER be yours.

4. One where they love you more and you care less about why they are this crazy over you. As in The Clash of Types case.

5. One where you don't only love each other but are also in good sync with each other. Where you understand what the other one needs in the relationship and you both work hard towards giving it to them (here I'm not talking about sex or anything explicit or unacceptable in Christian dating circles... but of such things as I'll mention below.)

According to my views in this post, it doesn't really matter what cadre of falling in love your relationship shares. It doesn't. Anything is possible once you understand what I'm addressing today.

Some people would want to call this last part of my examples above (that is number 5) "soul mates". They define soul mates to be two people (of opposite sex) who are really "in sync" with each other and after "discovery" of this, they're now in a relationship.

But the idea of soul mates is rather secular. It tends to revolve around the lame fact that we can only fall in love with one person forever, and that there is that one special person that is meant oooonly for us and that we are meant oooonly for them. This notion insists that if we lose this one person, our relationship lives are done.

This is not true. 

God does not say so. He says to all single people (and even to the married) that relationships are a choice. (This is said in many ways in the Bible.) We freely choose whom we want to walk with in our relational lives. We may make good or bad choices, but they are our choices.
God will reward us according to our choices, meaning, if we choose someone outside His criterion and Will of choice, there are consequences. Also, there are rewards if we choose according to what He instructs us to choose. Therefore, they are our choices that determine our destiny as far as relationships are concerned.

God does not make mistakes, so if we choose according to His Will for our lives, we are likely to find what the world calls soul mates. But in this regard (in God's case), it is never limited to a one person forever. No. God can give us a person to love, then if death occurs and the marriage covenant is broken, we can fall in love again and marry another soul mate...

This means that we can fall in love over and over again and have multiple "soul mates" if we choose to. 

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The mysterious thing about falling in love (which is actually just a way of two conscious people of opposite sex and of age saying "we are deeply interested in each other") is that you can do it over and over again. "But why and how?" you ask, "Why and how is it possible to fall in love a million times, Morris? "

I'll show you how...

Each person you meet, interact with and call your type scores a certain degree of compatibility that is above average which qualifies them as potential partners in your life. (Click the link to read and understand what I mean.) In such a case, in order to create a mutual ground for agreement/unity or love, you two need to deeply understand each other in order to meet each other's needs in the relationship. This can happen to any of the 6 out of 20 or to any of the 100 out of 1,000 people you think are your type.

This is where The Love Language  comes in. It matters a lot in relationships because it helps us communicate to our partners in various ways that will make them feel cared for and loved. Everyone has their love language (a way or manner in which they prefer to be treated in order to feel loved or cared for by the other person.)

If not put into consideration, this causes a great percentage of incompatibility, misunderstandings, heightened reactions of "they are not my type!!", breakups and even divorce. In fact, most breakups and divorces are either due to a misconstrued/misunderstood love language, a partner that has no idea about what "the love language" of the other person is, emotional absence or unfaithfulness.

It therefore follows that in order to have successful relationships in any type of falling in love, we need to learn a few of the things to "speak" to the other person that makes them feel loved, cared for and appreciated. We may need to ask them about it, use discernment, use intuition or learn through their closest friends. 

The Love Language 

Herein I'll address a few love languages known to me. What I list below is not conclusive but will act as a guide in deciphering your partner's and your own love language:

1. Most people's love language involves hearing their girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband thank and compliment them out of the blue. It goes like this, "Baby, you remember when you did this (or that) for me/us/my friend? Thanks a lot. It really mattered to me..." 95% of men are really made to thrive through such appreciation and kind words. Do this occasionally and next time he'll bring the planet Venus to you.

2. Women differ in their love language when money is involved. Some feel more loved when you use your money on them, some prefer occasional gifts, some want the cash itself while others don't even care. Just lemme promise you that there is no woman in this world who doesn't feel loved when her man spends his money on her. What differs is how, why and when you use it.

3. Most people's love language involves you sacrificing to spend some quality time with them. When you sacrifice to meet their needs in the relationship, it tells them how much you care. Ladies call it interest and attention. Men call it support and commitment. You hear that? The same thing, but given differently.

4. All men feel loved and needed when you respect their opinions and support their leadership. All women feel respected when you involve them in decision making and in your day-to-day endeavors.

5. Some people feel loved (and mostly women/ladies) when you remember special days like their birthdays, anniversaries, special events/days like today e.t.c. 

6. Small acts of tenderness and compassion speak volumes to most people's hearts. Such people fall in love with a person's generous heart and kindness.

7. Some people have a unique and weird love language (like myself). I feel loved when you correct me the moment I'm wrong and when you respond to what I need to know about things. I feel cared for in this way because I normally think that the person who loves me would want to see me grow, and that can't happen without following up on what I do and trimming out the bad parts. I feel uneasy around someone who always thinks that I am right. Correction makes me feel that you're deeply interested in who I am and what I want to be.

8. Other weird people have a language that requires that you occasionally become cruel to them. Cruel but not violent. I know some who say that this trims them to know if they're still on the right path or if they've lost the way. Such people, they say, grew up being molested; so the only way they'll feel cared for is when someone is slightly cruel to them. This is weird, but it's their love language. (And I don't even think Scripture supports it anyway.)

Other love languages include:

9. Shared goals - such people feel loved when they share most goals with their partners.

10. Doing dishes, laundry or cooking for your partner once in a while (for the married guys.)

11. Open compliments about your partner to your friends in their presence or on social media.

12. Shopping together or having an impromptu date together or having a workout together or having a walk in the park together or sharing a hobby or watching a movie together or listening to music and dancing together e.t.c.

13. Reading Scripture and praying together - having a Bible Study together.

14. Checking on them from time to time in the course of the day even when you're busy. This includes saying hi in the morning and before going to bed.

15. Hugging when you meet. (There are some people who really feel distant and taken for granted when you don't hug them at all or when you hug them differently from the way you normally do.)

And so forth and so on...

Notably, one person can have upto ten factors or special things within their love language.
It is also true that the very things we call petty in our relationships might be the very things that matter most. Why? Because when we do such "petty" things, we score highly on the love graph that are the hearts of our partners. 

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So the question is (which is my question too): even as you celebrate this Valentines, are you paying attention to what your partner wants or are you giving them WHAT YOU THINK they like/want? Is it possible that you are giving them the exact opposite of what they would have wished for?

Do you know what they want or what they don't? Is it possible that you're taking them out yet they would have preferred you cooking them lunch today? Is it possible that they don't really care for flowers like every other lady does? Is it possible that he would have preferred you buying him a whole month internet subscription to you buying him an extra shirt? Do we normally listen when they're saying the things that are closer to her heart?
Think about it. 

And, er, do you know your own love language?

(Have a blessed Valentines Day as share this with a friend. :-) It might be their only way out of the rut they are in. )

I love you all.

For #ValentinesExclusive, Valentines Day, 2015.

Bonface Morris.