A few months ago, somewhere in 2014, we had a heated debate at our Youth Bible Study class. It was escalated by that famous verse in 2 Corinthians 6:14 (Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? (NKJV)).
We zoomed in and zoomed out of the verse. (Quite typical of a Bible study actually.) And as expected, there were those who gladly agreed with it, those who said nothing about it (yeah, expect that in a Bible study) and yet still, there were those who demanded to know why it was such a big deal - this thing of getting unequally yoked with non-believers.
Well, it came out to be a big deal. For various reasons. (But we'll eventually come to that later in this post.)
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I'm not married. Not yet actually. But I guess that doesn't really matter. At least I know, at the back of my mind, that whatever I'll be talking about in this post applies to me more than to anybody else. So I stand to be judged by the very words I say.
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The first time I heard about a Christian young person not getting unequally yoked with non-believers, I raised my eyebrows. I was young in salvation (okay, I was young at age too). I was young and naive and was still pleased with enjoying middle ground when it came to most matters of the Christian faith that demand complete abstinence or total obedience and surrender.
I was sceptical on matters to do with sex before marriage, sexual purity, Christian dating, relationships, the boundaries, do's & don't's within and all the "petty laws" involved. And because no one offered to deliberately answer the "why" questions surrounding these matters, I floated for a while in my own tiny knowledge of things. (But not until the Lord compelled me to read Scripture and find answers for myself.)
And this leads me to say this: the greatest challenge affecting the adoption of Christian values from one generation to another today or at any other time in future history is this: our parents, mentors and teachers have an unequalled ability to command us on what good things to do (or not to do) but they fail at never telling us why it is right or wrong to do these things. Our parents and teachers are really good at pointing out what is wrong but they are very poor at explaining why it is wrong.
If something is bad, it is simply bad. No reason. No elaboration. No deliberation. It's just bad. Period. Don't question nothing, don't ask nothing. It is the law, just follow it. You know.
The attitude above is what nurtures our sceptism. We young people are then inclined to ask questions like: Why abstain from sex before marriage? Why follow and believe in the God of my parents? Why not marry a secular person or a Muslim, or a Hindu or just any other person I meet next and fall in love with?
So unless someone stops and conclusively answers these questions, we won't stop doing wrong and going against the good values we've been taught.
For this reason, this blog was born. (Yeah, this is for all those who wonder why I blog.)
I'll try to help us understand the why of not getting unequally yoked with a non-believer if (and when) you are a saved young person.
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To get to the point, we'll first seek to answer two questions:
1. Why is it a big deal to God as to whom we get married to as His children?
2. Why do we take it for granted then?
Answering the two questions above will give us a closer look at both sides of this coin of intermarriage between believers and non-believers.
Then at the end, I'll share with us a few Scriptures that support my point.
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1. Why is it a big deal to God as to whom we get married to as His children?
(a) When we get unequally yoked to non-believers, we compromise our belief systems.
It may not be true that I'm "compatible" with every other Christian lady, but at least we will have the same value and belief system if we are to enter into marriage. If I get married to a Muslim or someone who doesn't believe the same things about Christ as I do, it will later influence our family's belief system causing our children to believe different things about God and life. It therefore will affect the unity and agreeableness of we as husband and wife and also of the children that are a fruit of our marriage. The children may decide to follow dad's or mom's value system causing them to grow apart. Also, our unity will be compromised as far as decision making and conflict resolution is concerned. We will always be reading from different scripts.
And because God sees all these things before we do, He discourages to get into longtime commitments with non-believers (marriage being one of them.)
(b) Because God sees marriage and most alliances we make in life as a union that makes two people ONE, He desires that the people who get in such commitments will mutually agree to make Him the first priority in their lives, and that they'll agree to allow Him to lead them and take the center place in it.
(c) God also predicts danger on the part of the believer when we get entangled in such relationships, agreements or contracts. Just as Isaac refused Jacob to take a Canaanite woman in Genesis 28:1 for the reason of being misled by them into pagan worship and also falling a victim of inheriting Canaan's curse through marriage (one proclaimed by Noah in Genesis 9:25), so God also doesn't want us to inherit together with the non-believer the curses and punishment that befalls them when they disobey Him.
2. Why do we take it for granted?
(a) We think that it has no moral or spiritual connections with who we should be or who we are in Christ. In some verses I'll quote below, you'll realize that there are so many times Israel becomes a victim of punishment due to the sin of marrying foreign wives and making treaties with pagan kings. It made God angry and separated them from Him. It does the same to us no matter how for granted we take the spirituality of the person we commit ourselves to. It will eventually become our thorn in the flesh.
(b) We cannot see the future as God sees it.
I've mentioned above a few examples of what the Lord sees in every illicit relationship. We are mostly blind to such truths.
(c) We look at things with immature eyes - considering only what we say about the person in picture but not what God says. We are overwhelmed by emotion and the other person's acts of love and affection which make us forget the things God says concerning such alliances. We only look at the face value of things: looks, words, false perceptions etc.
(d) We think we are wiser and that we can change this other person and convince them to love and serve God. This is impossible but we, in our ignorance, decide that we are gods that can bring transformation into another person's life. We forget that only God can wholly change a person.
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But some would say, "But Morris, Hosea the prophet was unequally yoked to Gomer... and... and... that lady Ruth was a foreigner, right? And what about Queen Esther? Didn't she get married to a pagan king?"
Oh well, each of the above cases are Biblical evidences of unique examples when God allows something to happen for one or two divine purposes. That is not to mean that He exclusively stamped this as the way He Himself would want His children to relate with pagans or non-believers; but that for one reason or another, a lesson was being taught to the nation of Israel.
Here is their uniqueness:-
Hosea got married to Gomer (a prostitute) as a way of obeying God's command and to use it as a metaphor to reveal to the people of Israel how they were treating Him (their God). (Hosea 1:2 (NKJV): When the Lord began to speak by Hosea, the Lord said to Hosea: "Go, take yourself a wife of harlotry and children of harlotry, for the land has committed great harlotry by departing from the Lord.")
The main thing to note about Ruth from the Book of Ruth is that by the time she marries Boaz, she has already accepted to follow the God of Naomi and Boaz (the God of Israel) thus is converted. (Ruth 1:16 "But Ruth said: 'Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following after you; for wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God, my God.'") There is therefore no debating on which side she is when she gets married.
Queen Esther on the other hand was raised in the land of Persia at an appointed time in order to save the Jews from annihilation. We therefore see that it's part of God's plan to have her get married to a pagan king. Esther 4:14 (NKJV): "For if you remain completely silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father's house will perish. Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?"
Unless you are Hosea, Queen Esther or Ruth, why tempt God by marrying a pagan?
Only husbands or wives who became saved AFTER MARRIAGE are allowed to continue in such relationships for the sake of unity and fulfilling the will of God in those marriages. (1 Peter 3:1-2 and 1 Corinthians 7:12-16). Thus divorce is denied in instances where a husband or wife who previously didn't know Christ gets saved while their partner remains a non-believer. It is encouraged that they conduct themselves in a manner worthy their calling in order to (somehow) convict their partner into repentance. (Although it is also never a guarantee that this will happen.)
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Finally, here are contextual Bible verses supporting “Do not be unequally yoked with non-believers" All Scripture quotations are from the English Standard Version (ESV) Bible.
1. 2 Corinthians 6:14-16
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
2. Abraham and Hagar (a foreign woman who ends up becoming the mother to "the other child" - a child who later becomes a great opposition to the promised child's inheritance) Genesis 16:1 and Genesis 21:8-10
3. Esau and his foreign women that displeased his father. (Genesis 26:34-35)
4. Ahab and Jezebel (daughter of a pagan king) who led to his fall and the enmity between his house and God (1 Kings 16:30-33)
5. The prophet Balaam led the people of Israel to sin and intermarry with Moabites (descendants from a cursed seed (Lot)) in Numbers 25:1-3.
6. It was mandatory that Christians of the early church had a believing wife; 1 Corithians 9:5 "Do we not have the right to take along a believing wife, as do the other apostles and the brothers of the Lord and Cephas?"
7. Amos 3:3
"Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to meet?”
8. Samson had a habit of falling in love with foreign women who later led to his fall (Judges 14:3)
9. Abraham made his servant swear to him that he will not allow Isaac to marry a foreign woman (Genesis 24:37)
10. Jehoshaphat, a righetous king, made a treaty with evil kings who led to his failure in war; 2 Chronicles 18:1 and 2 Chronicles 19:2.
11. Marrying many foreign women led to the fall of that wise king called Solomon; 1 Kings 11:1-2.
12. The LORD, through Moses, commanded his people not to intermarry with foreign nations; Deuteronomy 7:3 "You shall not intermarry with them, giving your daughters to their sons or taking their daughters for your sons"
13. After their return to Jerusalem, the people realize the cause of their eviction into slavery in Babylon and the LORD’s incessant anger towards them was due to intermarriage with foreign/pagan women (Ezra 9:1-2)
14. After returning to Jerusalem from Babylon, the people swore not to intemarry with foreign nations because they had been told the consequences (Nehemiah 10:28-30 and Nehemiah 13:23-27);
15. Rebecca to her son Jacob (Genesis 27:46) and Isaac to Jacob too (Genesis 28:1).
16. Joshua warns Israel of intermarrying with foreign/pagan nations (Joshua 23:12-13)
We can go on and on quoting relevant Scripture, but you now get the point: it is a big deal breaker before God when we get entangled in contracts with and get married to non-believers.
Note: The phrase “foreign woman” or “Canaanite woman” or “foreign nations” in the passages above is used to mean a people who are not born again and do not therefore belong to the family of God, and not necessarily a tribe or country (this is with relevance to Christianity) today. Also, the above Scriptures apply to every lady in the family of God.
Til next time,
Bonface Morris.
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